TristonJ

When someone says I love you… Should you run and hide? When the last one who said those words and whispered in your ear… I see us together… I never want to hurt you… A want to love you…

Should you look away? When they build castles in the air and dangle the key in-front of your nose… should you reach out and grab for them? Or will you only be making a fool of yourself… I did, I made such a huge fool of myself… and not just once but twice.

The first I think I can be forgiven for believing sweet words… but I should have learnt form my mistakes, but it seems fools never learn! And when the second was honest I should have listened… but sweet words echo in my ears, and I go and burn my self again… and again.

I believe, when I know its just true for the moment, in that moment I really am loved by this person in-front of me… but like I keep saying… in-love is a very short lived feeling…

So now I build my wall, cover the open wounds… life goes on. I will find love (if its real)… I will find someone who really wants to love me (if its possible), in more than just a moment, for more than just today… then again maybe I wont, and that’s OK too. I have come to except this… this drama I make of my own life… Falling in love with two so very difrent men and  still I get burnt.

Love is for suckers… Love is a myth… love is the biggest lie we tell ourselves… ok now that’s vented out my system!

So relax all! I’ll get back in the game one day… but like I said a while back, for right now I’ll just enjoy what I do have, a wonderful child, great friends, family that love me… I am blessed and have no reason for the this stupid mood that took hold of me! So up I get, dusting off the shrapnel of my life!

Ek het so n week of wat terug die song gepost… en toe afgehaal toe ek weer na daai sweet woorde in my oor gefuister kry. Die keer bly dit net waar dit is

Empty Fantasy

-Louise Carver-

Thought how good it would feel
To be under your spell
Well the conversation’s dried up
And I’m left shaking
I’ve got things I must do
Never waste a day when the sun is shining
But I can’t fight these blues
And I feel just like I am drowning

So sail away my darling
Wave a kiss goodbye
I swear I thought we’d make it
Oh God how I tried

So I’m holding on tight
To the strength of my own convictions
Another sleepless night
Never thought I’d feel this broken hearted

So sail away my darling
Wave a kiss goodbye
I swear I thought we’d make it
Oh god how I tried

And everybody loved us
But everyone could see
A change that left me holding
An Empty fantasy
Heal…my self
You are ‘spose to be the one that does so well
And everybody knows the pain of loosing love
When are you suppose to learn to give it up….
Give it up

So sail away my darling
Wave a kiss goodbye
I swear I thought we’d make it
Oh god how I tried
And everybody loved us
But everyone could see
A change that left me holding
An Empty fantasy

I often get into discussions of love… and all the different ways to love, the different reasons to love…

I love my son, unconditionally! Nothing he can do or say takes away that love, I don’t need him to love me in return for me to love him. I don’t love him for how he looks or acts, I don’t love him for what he can do for me… I love him without question or reason and I have loved him since the day I saw a beating heart on a small blurry screen.

This love I except, I understand… it is the same way my parents love me and I love them, it does not always mean we like each other or the things we do, but it means that I love them regardles. I am sure that there will be times to come that I will not like what Triston does, but it does mean I love him all the same. I once heard some one say “I love you but I don’t always like you” True words…

Like I say I understand this love… its all the other types of love I don’t get. Falling in love for instance, its a short lived feeling of loosing yourself in some one… but its always short lived, unless two people really work on keeping that “in-love” feeling alive, it will die.

“I love you” probably the easiest 3 words in the world with the most heart wrenching results. Telling someone you love them is saying that you want to be with them, no one ells… so when a boy meets a girl and blurts out “I love you” what does this mean. He has no concept of what true love entails, he only says it because its a means to an end! But that’s not my point, saying those words should have have weight! It should mean something, otherwise it just becomes a hollow Eco.

Love means taking a blind leap, even when you cant see the floor beneath you. It means taking a chance… so saying the words is a form of promise… its stating a fact that you want to take a chance on a feeling in your heart, now what I don’t get is how do you know the feeling isn’t just one of being “in-love” short lived?

OK now I’m out of deep things to say, if none of this makes sens to you… that’s OK it makes no sens to me either.

In elk geval die hele spul het op gekom as gevolg van die stuk kuns…

My seun met sy groot glimlag en besige oe is gister in die hospitaal op geneem, sy linker long is gevul met Bronkial Nemonia (ek het nie n clue hoe om dit te spel nie) Maar hart het daar onder op die vloer gaan le toe ek hoor sy pa is oppad hospitaal toe met hom… ons het by hom gebly tot die susters ons weg gejaag het sodat hy bietjie kan slaap.toe ons gister laat middag terug keer is my seun baas van die plaas! Hy het die susters se trollies vir hulle reorganize, en hulle oorals gehelp waar hy kon. Daar is net een ander kind in die groot saal n klein meisie van so 8 maande so hy is toe gelaat om die wereld vol te hol.

Die suster vertel my dat sy hom met meening verby haar tafel sien stap, toe sy hom vra waar heen hy gaan se hy so ewe “ek gaan bietjie vir die baba kuier” en daar gaan hy!

Hy gaan nog tot ten munste Maandag daar moet wees vir sy phisio, hy hoes so hard mens kan amper die werld onder jou voete voel skud, maar hy lag en speel nog goed… so die koue gevoel op my maag het nou so bietjie ontdooi!

Hy gaan ok wees, hy moet ok wees, hy is n sterk kind! Hy is my engel!

Ek het die laaste ruk net so n gevoel van rustigheid, dis lekker! Ek het n besluit gemaak om op te hou stres oor dinge wat ek nie kan verander nie, en dinge te verander wat ek kan!!

Dit help nie om oor als te top nie, dit gaan my net oud voor my tyd maak… en wie wil nou op 25 oud lyk en voor kom!

Ek gaan my lewe geniet, ek gaan my vriende en vriendine se geselskap geniet, uit gaan en jonk wees! Ek gaan dit geniet om n ma te wees (gelukkig doen ek dit nog altyd) Ek gaan op hou stres oor my ex en sy stront, niks gaan dit verander nie, so die beste wat ek kan doen is net een voudig met dit deal! En ek gaan!

Ek wil terug kyk op my lewe eendag as my klein kinders om my hol en dink “Damn what a ride!!”

Life is really to short for all this worry and stress!

So n lekker gedagte vir die naweek wat voor lê:

Apples and Wine

woman are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that arn’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think that something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men… men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and then it’s up woman to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with…

“bounderies are created by fear, take away the boundaries and the fear will dissapear… “